Back in the day…I used to be terribly shy around girls.
I got my first ever girlfriend by sending her a love card with a romantic message.
I was in SS3 then.
Her name is Nike.
She was a dark complexioned, ultra beautiful girl.
I can still remember how her dark skin glowed effortlessly in our windowless classroom.
She also had those unusual pearly white teeth that just lights up naturally.
It was so easy to like her.
To feel attracted to her.
She was a new student in my school.
Moved in from an all girls school.
Naturally…all the boys wanted to date her.
I wanted to date her too.
But I was very shy.
She was in SS3A.
I was in SS3C.
But we had English and Mathematics classes together.
Anytime we had those classes…I spent 60% of my time looking at her.
What a beauty?
Then after the class…I would be worried because I didn’t know how to get her.
After a few weeks…I started seeing her with one of the playboys in school.
This guy effortlessly attracted girls.
He wasn’t that handsome but he was charismatic.
He knew how to talk to girls and attract them.
I wanted to learn how to do the same badly.
One day, I was shopping for some magazines and I came across a greeting card for lovers.
The words in it were very romantic.
So…I bought it and kept it in my room.
It was there for more than 2 months.
Then one day…I thought.
“What is the worst that could happen if I sent this card to Nike?”
Maybe she won’t greet me again.
Maybe she would tell her playboy boyfriend about it and that one will confront me.
Maybe she would just act like nothing happened.
Maybe…she would get the message and send back a little note that says:
“Toyin, I like you too. But you were too shy to talk to me. So, I am now with this guy”
The maybes were beginning to clutter my mind.
I just brought out the card.
I scribbled a few words of my own on it.
I can’t remember exactly what those words were.
But I think the message said something like:
“Nike…I just can’t stop thinking about you…”
Then I put the card in an envelope and sealed it.
I gave the card to a guy I came to know to be her junior brother.
Then I waited.
We were already writing our SSCE exams at the time.
A week passed.
2 weeks passed.
3 weeks passed.
During this time…her behaviour towards me didn’t change.
So I thought;
Well…I guess she is just not interested and didn’t want to make me feel bad.
I also realized something.
The worst that I dreaded was happening.
This was when I learnt that the main reason why I haven’t been able to approach her all this time was — The fear of the unknown.
Which wasn’t that bad.
It helped me to see that FEAR is actually False evidence appearing real like Zig Ziglar put it.
Because of this…I started talking to another girl.
She is a pretty girl too.
But I wasn’t that attracted to her.
I only started talking to her just to see what would happen.
I was surprised when she opened up.
We would laugh and laugh and play around.
Then her Uncle came from Lagos to take her.
So…I was back to ground zero.
SSCE exams were over by this time.
One afternoon…my mum called me out of my room.
“Toyin, you have someone asking about you”
I came. out of my room to see who the surprise visitor was and right in our sitting room was the beautiful Nike.
My heart jumped out of my chest.
I squeezed out the best smile I could gather.
“Oh mum, she was my classmate”
I had to say something because my mum was very strict.
She knew what was happening but she played along.
I told Nike that we should talk outside.
You won’t believe what she told me.
The card I gave her brother to give to her wasn’t delivered all this time.
So…when I was busy counting 1, 2, 3 weeks — she didn’t even know anything about the card I sent.
The brother only delivered the card a few days before she showed up at my house.
She told me that she has always liked me ever since the first time our eyes met.
And she was just waiting for me to make a move.
I didn’t believe what I was hearing.
So…this is how fear of the unknown would have kept me from ever having a relationship with this lovely girl?
Of course, our relationship didn’t last long because a few months after that, she got admission into a polytechnic.
Then my family moved away from that town that same year.
But that experience was what got me to start paying more attention to destroying FEAR in my life.
So…when it was time for me to start my internet marketing career, fear raised its head again.
I knew it would stop me if I did nothing about it.
The thing I feared most at the time was “losing money” if I ran campaigns that did not work.
So, I started doing exactly that.
The only money I had to run adverts was my school fees.
So…I spent it on adverts.
In 200 level — the adverts failed.
In 300 level — the adverts filed again.
Not one Naira profit.
Same thing happened in 400 level.
By this time, I was over that fear of losing money to adverts that don’t work.
The worst had happened.
And I didn’t die.
Here is the thing…
If you are a guy who can’t talk to girls, the main reason is because of the fear of the unknown.
It is the same thing when you are afraid to start a new business.
Or invest in a new online course.
You don’t know what will happen.
You stay in your comfort zone.
The problem about the comfort zone is that nothing grows there.
And with time…regret sets in.
Especially when you see people who faced that same fear and succeeded.
And the pain that comes with regret is far more excruciating than any pain you can experience when you face your fears.
I wrote this to let you know once again that…
Fear is a huge part of what causes laziness, procrastination, inaction etc
“Everything you want is right behind your fears”
Fear is why you keep saying later, later, later.
But time doesn’t wait for anyone.
There is a wise old saying from the greek.
It says — “Fortune favours the brave”
That is why you have to force yourself to start facing your fears today.
I hope this little write-up helped.